Meet Guido and Francesco

Singing along to: Iron & Wine, Evening on the Ground (Lilith's Song)

I love my roommate because she and I can talk about so many different things. Our conversations aren't just about gossip, they're about the important things in life, like feminism, nineties music, art vs. craft, and Italian men.

Yes, Italian men. She was describing her tall, dark, and handsome ideal, who is apparently Italian and named Guido.

Yes, Guido.

I told her that is silly, because the Guido I know is Italian, yes, but also has greasy hair, crocodile shoes, and a shirt that's halfway unbuttoned so that you can admire his gold chain and his fine pelt of chest hair. You will probably meet him at a nightclub in Rome hitting on American women half his age. Guido knows that American women swoon over his accent, so he pretends to know less English than he does. Guido's pants are tighter than mine are and he got his teeth whitened to emphasize his fake tan.

We eventually agreed that she must have been getting Guido mixed up with his cousin, Francesco, who is in fact a Mediterranean dreamboat. Francesco might wear his shirt half unbuttoned, but only because he's been working in the olive groves all day. Francesco does not wear a gold chain and his thick, dark hair is not greasy. Francesco knows where to get the best gelato and cappuccinos in Florence, and he will take you to visit them on the back of his red or yellow Vespa. Francesco's accented English is earnestly adorable, but he does not use it to his advantage like Guido does.

Apparently my roommate and I have very different stereotypes about Italian men.

Either way, we've decided we're going to start talking about Guido and Francesco like they're real people.