Thoughts on the eve of a college graduation

Singing along to: Lisa Hannigan, Sea Song

Once I was able to disassociate my ambivalence about graduation from my graduation cap & gown & hood, I was able to have a whole lot of fun playing dress up. Turns out it's the best costume I've put on in years. Depending on how I accessorize (and how I decide to wear the hood), I can be Harry Potter or Emperor Palpatine or even a serious academic. (Okay, I admit, the last one is a stretch.) I could also, if I so chose, jump out of an airplane in my gown and parachute down to safety, because it is just that huge. It's nearly ankle-length (and I'm 5'8"!) and it definitely conceals the Senior Week Fifteen (like the freshmen fifteen, except four years later and the result of infinitely more mixed emotions and [at least in my case] beer).

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Speaking of accessorizing, I am sort of regretting my choices in graduation footwear. Today was solid: moderately trashy cork-heeled shoes from Payless (complete with a red cherry pattern on the foot bed). Obviously the perfect choice for dignified events like Phi Beta Kappa initiation, Honors Convocation, and Baccalaureate Mass. Tomorrow, though, I'm just wearing some nondescript brown heeled sandals. Sure, they work with my (adorable!) dress, but with the black polyester pillowcase I'll be wearing for most of the day, they are totally blah. Comfortable, versatile, and boring. This would have been the perfect occasion for red shoes, and somehow I didn't realize that until right now. I'm slipping.

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Speaking of shoes (again), I think I earned some sort of girl-power award today: I helped move a fridge out of a third-floor dorm room in three-and-a-half-inch heels and a skirt. I did make my brother go down the stairs backwards instead of me, but still: win.

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I've always thought taking down posters is the most depressing part of packing up a dorm room, because stuff on the walls is what makes a room (or in my case, a trailer) look like people actually live there. Well, it's doubly depressing when iTunes spins up the Beatles' In My Life. Somehow that ended up on the graduation party playlist I'm crafting, and I'm not really sure how. I guess I must have added it, but I've been trying really hard to put on music that a) I like, b) won't offend the party guests, and (most importantly) c) is not about moving on and saying goodbye and looking back on happy memories blah blah blah I DON'T WANT TO CRY ABOUT THIS, ITUNES, SO QUIT TRYING TO MANIPULATE MY EMOTIONS. In other words, I might want to take In My Life off the list.

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The other night I was very tired but staying up with friends anyway. So I sat on their couch with my eyes closed and mentally added "in bed" or "that's what she said" to the end of everything they said. It was pretty hilarious, and I think I'm going to use that same trick to keep myself amused during the "commencement exercises" tomorrow.

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When I graduated from high school, I made a point of wearing waterproof mascara, because I was sure I would cry. Turns out I was so done by then that I didn't shed a tear, even as my classmates sobbed around me. I just made a weird face when I got my diploma. This time around, I'm not feeling nearly as done, so I'm breaking out the waterproof mascara again as a sort of insurance policy against crying, ie, I probably won't if I wear it. Mostly, I'm counting on my intense distaste for ceremonies, crowds, and folding chairs in the hot sun to get me too pissed off to cry. We'll see how that goes.

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Everyone's graduation-related Facebook statuses make me want to puke.