I bet you see the punch line coming from a mile off

Singing along to: Iron & Wine, Friends They Are Jewels

Things I have found while looking for the keys to my bike lock

• A dilapidated plastic Christmas wreath


• 11 batteries


• A coaster from the Crescent City Brewhouse in New Orleans. (I have never been to New Orleans.)


• Phone chargers for every cell phone I have ever owned, and probably one or two I haven't


• A photo keychain from Christmas Dance 2004: "Candy Cane Christmas"


• A button that says "I [heart] Maui." (I have never been to Maui.)


• A Virginia/DC Metrobus map (I do not ride the Metro bus, and I don't spend much time in Virginia either)


• A New York City subway card that expired in May of last year


• 17 euros


• 2 packages of frog-print tissues


• All the tubes of chapstick I've lost over the past year


• ....and so much more

Things I have not found while looking for the keys to my bike lock

• The keys to my bike lock