Why they did not admit me to the Jedi Academy

Singing along to: Iron & Wine, Waiting for Superman

Would you like to hear something sad and pathetic, something that proves I have watched Star Wars several dozen times too many?

Of course you would! That's what the Internet is for!

Well, here it is:

I wish I could use the Force.

And duh, who doesn't, but let me offer an example: Right now I'm sitting on my bed with my laptop, all comfy-like, with the dog using my foot as a pillow, all comfy-like. Getting up would be a great disturbance to us both. Still, I need my planner, which is sitting on the floor four feet away, and this is my first thought when I realize I can't reach it from where I'm sitting: "If I had the Force, I wouldn't have this problem."

And I have that identical thought all the time. "If I were a Jedi knight, I wouldn't have to get out of bed, I could just beam my socks out of the drawer and onto my cold feet." Or, "I bet parallel parking would be a whole lot easier if the Force were on my side." Or, "Do you mean I have to walk all the way across the room to put my clothes in the hamper? Can't I just use my Jedi mind powers to guide them in?"

Basically, I imagine having the Force as being something like that scene from Mary Poppins where she makes their room magically clean itself, combined with a dash of the Summoning Spell from the Harry Potter books, mixed in with a liberal dose of lazy. It's a wonder more Jedi knights don't look like Jabba the Hutt, because if I were a Jedi knight, I would do nothing but sit on the couch, slice bread with my light saber, and use the Force to put in a new DVD and summon more cups of coffee.

I would be the most awesome Jedi knight EVER, and you can be damn sure I'd be the one all the apprentice Jedis (Padawans?) would want as their wise mentor. Possibly I would be like the Dude of Jedi knights.

What would YOU do with the Force?