Confessions of a Chronic Dork

Singing along to: Belle & Sebastian, Piazza, New York Catcher

Today, I:

• Slept through my alarm and woke up 15 minutes before I had to leave for work.


• Spent four absolutely freezing hours at work, because I guess they haven't gotten the memo that it's not August yet.


• Continued to be sick, but not as sick as yesterday.


• Wore my hot red shoes.


• Got my fourth new nametag in as many summers at this job.


• Forgot to join the Y. Maybe this evening?


• Got notice that I accidentally had a package delivered to me at school, even though I'm home.


• Saw Facebook pictures of an adorable baby, the daughter of a middle school classmate and his wife, with whom I went to high school.


• Consequently, felt really old.


• Decided to post this, even though I'm pretty sure it means my family will find the blog (if they haven't already). Whatever.

Labels: lists

Singing along to: Death Cab for Cutie, I Will Follow You Into the Dark

I love many things.

I love notebooks filled with beautiful paper I couldn't possibly mar with writing, and I love cheap spiral-bound notebooks with doodles in the margins, scribbled quotations, and snippets of stories I will never finish writing.

I love art, all art, even art I hate, even art I don't understand, because it's there and it's useless, but we all keep making it anyway. I love strolling by myself through hushed museums. I love picking out postcard souvenirs in museum gift shops and taping them above my desk when I get home.

I love the way my paints smell and I love the feeling of brush plus paint plus canvas. I love cadmium red, Mars black, and cobalt blue. I love my favorite paintbrush, the super-cheap 1-inch wide flat that came with a set of brushes I got in my first art class in high school. (All the paint has chipped off its wooden handle, and only duct tape and sheer force of will are holding the handle and the metal ferrule together, but I will continue to paint with that brush until it falls apart in my hands.) I love opening my desk drawer and seeing neatly stacked sketchbooks, my favorite size, 8.5x5", just right for thumbnail sketches, brainstorms, doodles, and traveling. I love walking away from an art project with smudges on my face or paint on my jeans or fingers stained with ink, but an impeccably neat finished piece on the table behind me.

I love flannel sheets and winter nights and falling asleep in a heavy cocoon of blankets, long johns, and thick socks. I love waking up on cold mornings and realizing I don't have to get out of bed yet. I love waking up on Saturdays in the summer with sunlight slanting through the windows and a full day of nothing stretching out in front of me. I love the first day of spring, which for me is the first day I can go outside bare-legged and in flip-flops. I love cherry blossoms, forsythia, and crocuses. I love walking through crispy autumn leaves, and I love bare branches silhouetted against the sky.

I love silly things: piggy banks, bad puns, vintage dishes, owls, stale popcorn, the small rubber monster that sits on my desk and scowls at visitors. I love red shoes, striped rainboots, mary janes, peeptoes, and patent leather pumps. I love the clearance rack. I love sesame chicken, pesto, chocolate milk, hummus on my turkey sandwiches, chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, and coconut cream pie.

I love my bookshelves, perfectly organized and packed tightly with books I have read, am reading, will read, won't read. I love bookstores, especially used book stores. I love the way old books smell, and I love picking up a favorite book, opening to my favorite passage, and starting the story there.

I love sarcasm, dark humor, cynicism, and irreverence. I love fresh flowers and sleeping with the windows open. I love making lists and checking them thrice. I love fashion magazines, design blogs, and newspaper advice columns. I love black-and-white photography and very old maps. I love driving on the interstate. I love singing in the car with the windows rolled down.

On days like this, sunny and 75, I love everything.

Inspired by Jamie who was inspired by She Likes Purple, who says: "I challenge you to make your own list. The only catch? You can’t include a single person you know on your list. No “I love the way my husband laughs” or “I love hearing my little girl call for me.” It’ll be tough, I know. But this particular little exercise is about stripping away everyone who defines you and figuring out what you (not his partner; not their mother/daughter/sister/friend) love."

Labels: lists

Singing along to: Cat Stevens, Rubylove

• The Mom haircut: I may cut my hair short, but so help me, NO MOM 'DO.


• Pop my collar.


• Lie about my age.


• Lie about my weight.


• Become one of those D.C. commuter women who wears bright-white chunky athletic shoes with a business suit. They are ubiquitous here, but I will not join their ranks.


• Dump someone because their literary tastes are too "middlebrow," whatever the hell that means. I mean, for Pete's sake.


• Become a vegetarian. Frankly, a life without steak is not a life I want to live.


• Go blond.

I have a long-standing theory that everyone makes lists like this, only to spend their entire life checking the items off, one by one, but still, we try. Effort is important, at least when you're looking back at events and trying to maintain a semblance of dignity.

So, what's on YOUR list?

Labels: lists

Singing along to: Iron & Wine, Sunset and Soon Forgotten

Inspired by Miss Zoot, an intense love of lists, the spirit of procrastination, and the creeping sensation that the times, they are a-changing and maybe if I'm proactive about the changes they won't make me so depressed, I'm throwing my hat into the "101 Things to Do in 1001 Days" ring. 1001 days is actually a really long time, almost three years, and hey, the only thing I love more than setting epic goals and forgetting about them is setting epic goals and actually meeting them.

I will add a permanent link to this post in my sidebar so that everyone can easily see how badly I'm doing, or more, optimistically, so that I can easily find it to cross things off the list and link to posts about my achievements as they happen. If they happen. (Italics indicate a goal in progress.)

Epic List-Fest: 2008-2010

Writing & Blogging

1. Finish (as in edit, rewrite, repeat for as long as it takes) one of my novels. Ew, I sound pretentious just saying that.


2. Post to this blog every day for a month. Two different months. [0/2]


3. Post 2-3 times/week on Pop Goes the Artist for three months, consecutively.


4. Submit a piece of writing to Indie Blogger.


5. Comment on at least one blog per day for a month.


6. Comment on at least one art blog per day for a month.


7. Learn CSS and use it to give the art blog a revamp.


8. Upgrade the art blog's version of Wordpress.


9. Finish and submit that Waiter Rant guest post.


10. Do Sunday Scribblings at least five times. [0/5]


Fitness

11. Hike part of the Appalachian Trail (overnight camping not required).


12. Take a yoga or pilates class.


13. Eight-minute mile.


14. 25 real push-ups.


15. 100 crunches. [Progress report: on good days, I can do about 25. Ish. Thank goodness I have another two years, right?]


16. Fifteen mile bike ride.


17. Learn to swing dance.


18. Take Lucy for a long walk every day for a week.


Reading & "Culture"

19. Attend a lecture or seminar not required for class.

four classic novels or plays. [Progress report: I am almost finished The Remains of the Day. That's a classic, right? Modern Classics totally count. [0/4]

20. Re-read The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. [0/2]


21. Re-read all seven Harry Potter books.[0/7]


22. Read The Decameron.


23. Read The Divine Comedy.


24. Read four entire books of the Bible (wimpy small books like the epistles do not count, but they are a bonus).(Currently reading: Job.) [0/4]


25. Watch three classic or otherwise old movies. [0/3]


26. Re-read four of my favorite books from childhood. [0/4]


27. Read the whole newspaper every day for a week (news/opinion, local, arts/style, front page of business, no sports).


28. Read three more "classics of science fiction." (Just finished "Dune." Next up is "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" by Philip K. Dick, because it has one of my favorite titles in science fiction. [1/3]


Food

29. Cook all my own food for a week.


30. Find two more vegetables and two more fruits that I like and eat them. [Veggies: 0/2; Fruits: 0/2]


31. Buy more food from the farmer's market in the summer.


32. Record all my meals for two weeks. Boggle at how many involve french fries or coffee. Use this as a basis for healthy change.


33. Go to a wine-tasting festival and learn about wine (after 10/27/08).


34. Make a tasty meal with tofu. (Obviously, this excludes a Tofurkey.)


35. Try veggie burgers. They might not kill me.


36. Try food from three different countries. [0/3]


37. Make a pie, including crust, from scratch.


38. Go one week without coffee.


39. Buy a reusable water bottle. Use it religiously. (Progress report: I scrounged a water bottle from the back of the cabinet and am using it a lot more, but I'm not ready to cross this off the list yet.]


40. Grow basil. Make pesto. Yum! (Progress report: I bought two small basil plants over Easter break. Grow, basil, grow!)


Finances/Charity/Loving the Trees

41. Donate at least $50/year to a charity.


42. Go a week without spending any money.


43. Record all my purchases for two weeks. Boggle at how many are stupid. Use this as a basis for change.


44. Add $1000 to my savings account.


45. Give money to a homeless person.


46. Renew my friendship with the library: Go six months without buying any books (textbooks excepted). Bonus points for reading books I already own.


47. Buy something I need from a thrift store instead of buying it new.


48. Give blood. Probably won't kill me, might just save someone else.


49. Send two different people a nice card, for no real reason. Anonymously. [0/2]


50. Get a battery recharger and some rechargeable batteries for my camera.


51. Be more diligent about recycling.


Travel

52. Get a new passport. (Progress Report: I finally mailed in the "Dear State Department, I lost my passport" form, so I'm halfway there!)


53. Visit two national parks. [0/2]


54. Visit four Smithsonians that I haven't been to. [0/4]


55. Visit the Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens, which I didn't know existed until just now.


56. See Starry Night in person (and, by extension, visit the Museum of Modern Art in New York City).


57. Visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art, also in New York City.


58. Visit The Cloisters, also in NYC (are we seeing a theme?). Die of glee, a little bit.


59. Visit the Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh.


60. Visit the Art Institute of Chicago.


61. Travel to three states I haven't been to before. [0/3]


Arts (with a side order of crafts)

62. Do Illustration Friday for at least two months. Post the results to the art blog.


63. Sell a painting.


64. Open an Etsy shop.


65. Finish the quilt I started three years ago. I'm three-quarters of the way done already.


66. Paint a self-portrait.


67. Take a life drawing class.


68. Take (and post) a photo daily for a month.


69. Give all handmade gifts for Christmas or birthdays one year. (Made by me or by someone else.)


70. Fill a sketchbook.


71. Paint in public.


72. Enter a juried art competition.


73. Try oil painting.


74. Participate in a print exchange.


75. Crochet an afgan.


76. Finally do that track scrapbook I've been meaning to do since the day I graduated.


77. Buy a big (at least 18x24") sketchbook and use it.
    
    Life Skillz, Vanity, and Other Miscellany
    
78. Find the perfect pair of boots.


79. Treat myself to a manicure or pedicure.


80. Wear a skirt every day for a week.


81. Find the perfect foundation.


82. Learn how to blow-dry my hair. Wet hair + business clothes = bad look.


83. Change the oil in my car myself.


84. Learn to drive a car with manual transmission.


85. Clean out the crap from under my bed before I move out.


86. Do a hardcore closet/dresser purge and donate everything I don't want to Goodwill. (Progress report: removed a lot of stuff from my dresser and closet, like sparkly homecoming dresses I'll never wear again, but I'm not calling this done yet: my wardrobe can take a little more slimming down yet.


87. Organize all the travel photos I've taken over the past couple years. (Progress Report: All my DC photos are under control and my "recent photos" folder is now empty. Pending: Paris, Berlin, and San Antonio.)


88. Back up everything that is on my computer. I am one hard drive meltdown away from disaster.


89. Find the perfect perfume.


90. Make the bed every day for a week.


91. Get CPR-certified again.


92. Try three new hairstyles. (Progress Report: My roommate helped me straighten my hair. Way too much work!) [1/3]


93. Pick an issue. Write to my congress(wo)man. Try to ignore the fact that they won't read my letter anyway.


94. Do meatless Fridays for a month outside Lent.


95. Graduate with a higher GPA than I have now. (Progress report: Spring 08's GPA was my highest since first semester of freshman year. On track!)


96. Decide on a graduate school and program.


97. STOP PICKING AT MY FINGERNAILS. (Progress report: nine out of ten nails are beautiful and even, but I slipped up this afternoon and ruined my perfect ten. Still, progress.)


98. Learn to locate five stars/planets/constellations in the sky. [0/5]


Last, But Not Least

99. Make a new 101/1001 list.


100. Donate a dollar to charity for every thing I don't complete on this list.

My 1001 days, which start tomorrow, March 15, 2008, will end December 11, 2010.

I don't think, at this point, that my goal is to complete all of these things. Just as many as I can. None of these are things I feel like I must do, or things that everyone should do (well, except maybe #89, back up everything on my computer). Just things I want do to. Some of them, obviously, are silly. Some aren't. Whatever. But I know a few things about myself and one of them is that change depresses me, even when it's change I want. I don't mean "makes me blue for a couple days" and I don't mean "makes me suicidal," I just mean that it throws me into a funk that can take days or weeks or, yes, sometimes months to climb out of. I also know that when I can actually cross things off a to-do list and have tangible accomplishments, I can stay a little more sane. So, in anticipation of the biggest change on record, my graduation in a year and two months, I'm making that to-do list and hoping it will carry me through.

We'll see how it goes, right?

Labels: 101 in 1001, lists

Singing along to: grouchy late-night silence

I'm sorry to go all Debbie-Downer* on you, but it is 2:10 in the AM and I'm still at work. Come on, suffer along with me as I list the Things I Hate Right Now:

• Rhinestones, and everything they embellish.


• People who can't be bothered to take their key cards with them when they go to have a smoke, and instead rely on me, sitting at the desk near the door, to let them back in. I know getting up to open the door is a small thing, but so is taking your damn key card outside with you.


• The fact that two of my dorm's four dryers are broken, not that it matters anyway since I've lost my dryer sheets.


• The 2008 presidential campaign and everyone in it. I haven't even voted in the primary yet, and I'm already sick of these people.


• The little clicking noise that the button on my laptop's touchpad mouse makes. I drive myself crazy with it when I don't have a real mouse with me.


• Yahoo! Small Business, who wants me to pay for my domain name but won't actually let me pay for it because they keep having "system errors" or something every time I try to pay. Do they want my money or not?


• Professors who mention something about the Middle Ages or ancient Rome and then feel compelled to add "You know, back then, they didn't have electricity and the Internet" as they make their point. YES, PROFESSOR, WE KNOW. There are probably college students somewhere who do not know that, but can you please assume that if we're all upperclassmen in your 300-level class, we know that the Internet was a recent invention?

Thank you, and good night. (Except that it's not a good night, not yet, because I still have forty minutes of work left.)

*Actually, I'm not sorry. And did I just say "Debbie Downer"? Ew.

Labels: College, lists

Yes, digging.

1. "Lay Me Down" by the Frames: I got into the Frames by way of the Swell Season, which is the (Irish) lead singer of the Frames + his Eastern European girlfriend, a duo you may or may not remember from the movie Once. This song (lyrics) is actually sort of sweetly morbid, but it is also very pretty, and pretty always wins. Duh.


2. "Piazza, New York Catcher" by Belle & Sebastian: This song is on the Juno soundtrack, which currently #1 on the "Movies I am currently digging" list. It is the only Belle & Sebastian song I know (except for "Expectations", which is also on the Juno soundtrack), but it makes me want to know more of them. Unfortunately, I used up the last few pennies of my iTunes gift card on "Lay Me Down" this morning, so it will have to wait. I think I just love the lines "I love you, I've a drowning grip on your adoring face. I love you, my responsibility has found its place."


3. "All I Want is You" by Barry Louis Polisar: This is also from the Juno soundtrack, but that is not why I love it. At least, that's not the only reason. Here's the real reason why: when I was a kid, I loved Barry Louis Polisar, who mostly writes kids' songs. Except they were great kids' songs about, like, picking your nose and smelly socks and your annoying baby brother. I even went to one of his "concerts" once. So I think it's pretty damn cool that he's re-entered my musical vocabulary, however briefly. (It's also fun to sing along to.)


4. "Rubylove" by Cat Stevens: I spent most of Christmas break with this song stuck in my head. It is upbeat, it is sweet, and part of it's in Greek (lyrics!). Plus, it's by Cat Stevens, who has the distinction of having done the definitive version of that old Sunday standby, Morning Has Broken. What's not to love?

I feel as though I'm breaking some sort of truth in advertising law here, since this list probably makes my taste in music seem so much cooler than it actually is, but "what will people think of my music?" is one of the neuroses of my youth that I believe I have well and truly gotten over. Thank heavens.

So, what do you have on heavy iTunes rotation at the moment?

Labels: lists, Music

Singing along to: Snow Patrol, Warmer Climate

An unordered and necessarily incomplete list:

• Granny panties


• Michael Jackson


• Philosophy


• People who feel very enthusiastic about philosophy


• Childbirth


• People who don't think childbirth is scary


• Stiletto heels


• Tanks


• Tofurkeys

Labels: lists

Singing along to: La Vie En Rose, the Edith Piaf movie

Today is Black Friday, of course, and also, apparently Buy Nothing Day, although I have observed neither of those "holidays." I didn't go to Walmart at 4 AM, but I didn't utterly reject the siren song of consumerism, either. Instead my mom and I went, as always, to a craft show in western Maryland. Money changed hands. I don't feel particularly remorseful about this.

Also in the spirit of rejecting consumerism and lead-painted children's toys, there is an Internet movement urging shoppers to buy handmade (or, I suppose, make it yourself), rather than continue sacrificing at the altar of Big Business.

So, in celebration of all of those things, I present my first (and probably last) Handmade Gift Guide. Enjoy!

• The ultimate source of all things beautiful and handmade is Etsy.com, which I love so very much. The key to Etsy, which I've discovered through lots of browsing, is to buy promptly, before someone else discovers that gorgeous notebook you were eyeing.


• Of course, making it yourself is always a fun, too. Design*Sponge has a couple of DIY projects, although some of them require special tools, like a woodburning tool. But if you're feeling adventurous, there might be some good ideas there.


• I like eating cookies, but I do not like baking. That is why I love making cookie mix jars for people. It's like giving them a tin of fresh-baked cookies, but without the baking part. I like to jazz up the top of the jar with some pretty ribbon, too.


• Family Fun has a long list of crafty gifts to make with kids. I like the hungry alligator pencil holder myself.


• Once, when I was little, my dad and I made snowball candles, which are cute. These ice candles from Family Fun are also cute, and you have the added fun of dropping ice into hot wax.

And.... I'm out. If I think of more, I'll post a take 2.

Labels: Links, lists

Singing along to: The Swell Season, Fallen From the Sky

Things for which I am thankful, in no particular order, and in no way comprehensive:

• The Internet, that everlasting font of inspiration, procrastination, communication, and...laugh-eration?


• Pumpkin pie


• Families and food and warm beds to sleep in


• Cute puppies


• Even cuter boyfriends


• The annual family "meat pie" debate


• Clearance rack sales


• Flannel sheets


• The Elements of Style, by Strunk & White


• Socks


• The fact that Thanksgiving practically writes my posts for me


• Museums, particularly the free ones


• All y'all out there reading this, because you are so cool. No, really, give yourselves a hand. You rock.

Seriously, though: for all my incessant misanthropic complaints, I am more grateful than I can say. Happier, too, right now. And for that I am most especially grateful.

Labels: lists

Singing along to: Counting Crows, Hard Candy

• All hail the Beatles!


• I like coffee and I like tea, I like caffeine and caffeine likes me. (Addiction starts at home.)


• How to fix a computer: swear at it, then reboot. Repeat as necessary. When all else fails, switch to Apple or Linux.


• A car is just an appliance.


• Little brothers are just as much fun to dress up as little sisters--possibly more, because the embarrassment potential is so much higher. (Particularly when you dress them in your Glinda the Good Witch Halloween costume. Little boys love layers of tulle.)


• Dogs are also fun to dress up.


• Pound puppies are the best puppies.


• Arguing is a time-honored and enjoyable family tradition.


• On a related note, it doesn't matter what meat stuffing recipe you're using. It's not like Mémère used to make.


• Baltimore has an accent and it's beautiful.


• Geek is chic.

(Idea from Sparkles Anon!)

Also, as it happens, today is the first of November, making it the kick-off day of NaBloPoMo, which I think I mentioned here a couple days ago. Anyway, the point is, I will post every day this month and hopefully win an awesome prize. Also, you know, improve my writing skills and get into the habit of writing more. That too.

Labels: lists

Singing along to: the Ramones, Blitzkrieg Bop

I'd like to pause, on the eve of my twentieth birthday, to mourn the passage of my teenage years, and to reflect on those pressing questions which the passing of time and my own mortality have brought inescapably to my attention. These are the ultimate questions which I fear shall keep me up, late into the night, as the events of my past parade before my eyes, and the dim path of my future stretches out before me. Questions like:

• When I wake up tomorrow, will my acne have magically disappeared?


• When will I find my first gray hair, and how much fuss can I politely make about it?


• Will the grown ups begin treating me like one of their own? Will they finally take me seriously when I join them in complaining about Kids These Days?


• On a related note, can I officially begin sentences with the phrase "Back in my day..."?


• How soon is too soon to start planning for retirement? When do I get my senior citizen discount?


• Is it too late to start that rebellious phase I was supposed to have begun, um, eight years ago? (I'm a procrastinator, what can I say?)

These are the unanswerable questions that haunt my sleepless nights.

Labels: lists

Singing along to: the Pogues, Love You Till the End

• A hot bath


• The end of the semester


• A very small, fuzzy rug to put underneath my desk, to warm my feet


• That sweet, sweet day when the school finally turns off the A/C in all the classrooms and turns on the heaters in our rooms


• Another cup of hot chai tea


• The tub of chocolate frosting in my fridge


• A bowl of thick, cheesy, bacon-y potato soup

So, what are you fantasizing about on this gray and gloomy Friday?

Labels: lists

Singing along to: Simon & Garfunkel, The Only Living Boy in New York

Things You Don't Need to Know About My Life, But Which I Will Tell You Anyway:

• I have a bug bite on my ear and it is driving me crazy.


• I'm trying to grow out my hair, and that's driving me crazy, too.


• The macaroni & cheese that I just had for dinner is probably the best macaroni I've ever made, possibly because I didn't have any milk, so I used half and half instead. Also, it was organic macaroni, so its flavor was enhanced by the sweet, sweet taste of self-righteousness. Mm mm good.


• I just added some more photos to my Flickr page, mostly of the NGA sculpture garden, which I visited last weekend.


• I've been searching for the perfect shirt dress for a long time and I think I may have finally found it. (On sale, even! But I think I might like the black one better, because I'm Goth like that. Or maybe just because black is more fun to accessorize.)


• While we're on the subject of Things I Want and Even Sort of Need, is this watch EVER going to go on sale? I've been cyber-stalking it for months now. I think it's time for them to reward my patience with a discount. I don't actually own a watch, and this watch is one of the few that I can picture myself wearing on a regular basis.


• I am not really a tea person, but I'm currently addicted to Bigelow's Vanilla Caramel black tea. I bought it on a whim (when people say not to grocery shop when you're hungry, listen to them) but it was a whim with a happy ending. Even if you don't like tea, I recommend you try this stuff.

Labels: lists

Singing along to: Keane, Emily. This song falls into the "holy crap awesome" category.

Things that delight me:

- The mounted police officers on campus. No idea why they've added Catholic to their patrol schedule, but every time I see them, it makes my day a little bit better.

- I am currently living alone in a double room, since they've yet to assign me a roommate. (I had one, but she switched to a different hall before she even moved in.)

- The fact that said double has windows on two sides. Natural light rocks.

- I am employed again, and not at the bookstore. Instead, I'm a "hall security assistant," meaning, as far as I can tell, that I sit in residence hall lobbies and watch who comes in and out. The hours aren't ideal, but hey, it's not retail or food service. Bonus!

- Two of my friends who are spending the semester in Oxford, England have a blog. I love living vicariously through the Internet.

- Etsy.com

- James, who says things like, "I'm not sure you're the crazy cat lady type. I can totally picture you as the sort of old lady who builds her house out of glass bottles."

- Swiss Miss Marshmallow Lover's hot chocolate mix.


Things that do not delight me:

- The only paid summer internship at the The Walters Art Museum in Baltimore (which has a medieval collection!) is for minorities. Which as a white woman... I'm not. Do you have any idea how awesome it would be to intern at a place with medieval art? You don't? Well, don't feel too bad, because now I won't know either.

- Look! An Australian men's magazine is holding a search for Australia's sexiest feminist. I think Feministing pretty well sums up my feelings on the matter as well. Also, I second Jessica's submission to the contest.

- All the people on my end of the hall who slam their doors. It's all quiet, quiet, quiet, SLAM, quiet, SLAM.

- Ethical dilemmas. Man, I hate those.

- Resumes, applications, cover letters, transcripts, letters of recommendation, and the thousand and one other details that come along with applying for anything good. Just looking at the list of things I need to produce simply to apply for a decent internship makes my head ache.

Labels: College, lists

Singing along to: Better Than Ezra, This Time of Year

You know, I was on a blog-posting roll for about three days there, and then it just sort of died. My bad.

Yesterday, I was on SiteMeter browsing the referrals that brought recent visitors to my humble blog. I'm not the first blogger to notice this, but: that is quality entertainment, right there. Even better than looking at spam email subject lines, which are often comedy gold. A sampling:

dork culture dungeons

This brought someone right to my front page, for key word reasons I cannot completely fathom, but am impressed by nonetheless. The "dork" part makes sense, but "culture?" We don't need no stinking culture!

meaning of "five minutes till midnight" lyrics

I have never heard of this song, although a quick search of iTunes reveals that it is by a band called "Boys Like Girls," whom I have only vaguely heard of. However, in the spirit of...well, boredom, I guess, I will take a look at the lyrics and take a stab at deconstructing them. My take: gee whiz, I really like you. Let's go home together/run away together.

Wow, nobody's ever written a song about that before.

what is josh groban's favorite cereal

This might be my favorite, especially since the phrase from the blog that Google choses to highlight is "Josh Groban's music puts me in a killing mood." I suspect that this particular searcher left my blog very disappointed.

chapter by chapter summary of Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

Well, I did review Snow Flower once, but a chapter-by-chapter summary? Boy oh boy, did you come to the wrong place. I am way too lazy for such foolery. "Ask and ye shall receive" only gets you so much, anonymous searcher from New Orleans.

dead owl

'Nuff said. Apparently I am in Google's top ten for that search term. Party time!

poem about a dork

Here's one I just made up:

Although I am a dork.
I eat with a fork,
And not with a spork.
And I don't keep kosher,
So I sometimes eat pork.

Sometimes I wonder how I ever got through the poetry semester of my creative writing class.

dork photos with a lifejacket

Blink.

Blink blink.

Labels: lists